Monday, September 13, 2010

Founding Father Insults, Vol. 2

Collected in the Philadelphia "Port-folio" in 1802, and is cited as having been written by "THE SAGE OF MONTECELLO." To the tune of "Yankee Doodle," if you will.

Et etiam fusco grata colore Venus. - Ovid

Of all the damsels
on the green,
On mountain, or in valley
A lass so luscious ne'er was sen
As Monticellian Sally.

Yankee doodle, whose the noodle?
What wife were half so handy?
To breed a flock, of slave for stock,
A blackamoor's the dandy.

Search every town and city through,
Search market, street a
nd alley;
No dame at dusk shall meet your view,
So yielding as my Sally.
Yankee doodle, &c.

When press'd by loads of state affairs,
I seek to sport and dally,
The sweetest solace of my cares
Is in the lap of Sally.
Yankee doodle, &c.

Let Yankee parsons preach their worst—
Let tory Whittling's rally!
You men of morals! and be curst,
You would snap like sharks for Sally. *
Yankee doodle, &c.

She's black you tell me—grant she be—

Must colour always tally?
Black is love's proper hue for me—
And white's the hue for Sally.
Yankee doodle, &c.

What though she by the glands secretes;
Must I stand stil-I shall-I?
Tuck'd up between a pair of sheets
There's no perfume like Sally

Yankee doodle, &c.

You call her slave—and pray were slaves
Made only for the galley?
Try for yourselves, ye witless knaves—
Take each to be your Sally.

Yankee doodle, whose the noodle?
Wine's vapid, tope me brandy—
For I still find to breed my kind
A negro-wench the dandy!


* It appears that neither of the lovers agree with our Milton, who represents the angel Raphael, upon being asked the question whether t
he Heavenly Spirits love! answering

With a smile that glow'd
Celestial rosy RED, love's proper hue.

But de gustibus non disputandem—The Montecellian lovers are not altogether angels.

† They (the blacks) secrete less by the kidnies, and more by the glands of the skin, which gives them a very strong and disagreeable odor.

Seems the tea-baggers are in good historical company, no? For reference purposes, though, all of the italicizations are from the original text, if you can believe it — though, the image was not. It certainly makes Jon Stewart's political commentary seem more tame.